Get the word out.

Last night at the ACE Overcomers meeting two new ladies came. One met me in May at the hospital open house and the other came as a result of seeing our poster at the post office. Today I was at the bank and spoke to the teller. I mentioned ACE Overcomers and her eyes lit up as she said, "I've heard of ACE Overcomers. What an awesome program." She has committed to come next Tuesday.
Often our labor has a delayed fuse. It may take months for someone to either work up the courage or find the time to come on Tuesday nights.
The same goes for parenting. Influencing our children for good may seem like a thankless job, but be patient. It is worth the effort.
Help us get the word out. Post this blog address on your Face Book and talk it up. You could help someone looking for hope, someone looking for answers.

Help us do something about abuse.

Open the newspaper and chances are great that you will find a report of child abuse. Though the penalities are stiff and the stigma of being a child abuser can follow you for life, there seems to be no end to the number of men that will abuse innocent children.
Abused children grow up and often cannot leave the pain behind. It affects their self-image and paradigm of family life. They are attracted to the very type of people responsible for their pain. Upheaval and anger is their idea of normal family life. Couple that with self-loathing and you have the recipe for further child abuse.
ACE Overcomers is here to help provide a new way of thinking, a new self-image and a new way of life. But we need your help. There many projects that lack funds. Advertising, brochures, lesson booklets, office supplies, and audio visual equipment are needed but we need your help.
Would you make an unselfish donation to ACE Overcomers today?
At the bottom of this page is a Pay Pal donation button. You can make a difference in the life of an innocent child. You can help bring comfort and hope to someone affected by abuse.
Please make a generous donation today.

Check out our new website

We have a new website up- http://www.aceovercomers.org/. We have some work to do on it, but it's a start. Tell your friends. We will eventually have a place to donate and sign up for mail and email.

I Choose to be Defined By Grace.

1 Timothy 1:12-15 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry; Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.

How we define ourselves affects everything we do and everything we think. It's our paradigm, our mental framework. It's the self-imposed box we live in that tells us what how to look at our abilities and limitations.

Before getting saved, the apostle Paul was a murderer, a blasphemer. Upon salvation he recieved a new way of looking at himself and looking at the Lord.

When I define myself by grace:

• I admit my weakness (I have sinned, I am a sinner, and therefore I am in need of the grace of God)
• I will not allow myself to be defined by what someone has done to me.
• I will not allow myself to be defined by the sin of my past.
• I will define myself as God defines me- In Christ
• I acknowledge the goodness of God (He loved me in spite of my sin)
• I am assured that I am not alone (God is involved, He has not forsaken me)
• I acquire the help of God (God gives me grace)
• I accept the power of God (I find no help in the self-life)
• I activate the power of God in my life (one aspect of grace is that grace is the desire and ability to do God's will) Grace is not only something outside me given to me by God, it is something within me- changing my heart's desires and my will to conform to the will of God.
• I agree that the power of God is greater than the power of sin
• I attribute all glory to God
• I allow myself to accept the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father Romans 8:31-39
• I affirm that I am a new creature in Christ, a resurrected man and not the old dead man that was stuck to sin Col 2:10-14

Once you get saved you are no longer dragging around a dead man (the old nature with its sins). Stop pointing to your old nature and defining yourself by that stinky, smelly, corpse.

Colossians 2:10-14 says you are:

• Complete in Christ 
• Cut loose from sin (spiritual circumcision)
• Risen to new life
• Forgiven
• Free from condemnation

Romans 8:31-39 says that God is for you, and nothing shall separate you from the love of God

Grab hold of those truths and define youself by the grace of God

If you have a high ACE score, what do you do now?

If you took the mini ACE questionnaire and found you have a high ACE score, it is not the end of the world. You are not predetermined to have a difficult life or a premature death. However, you are aware that you have pressures in your life that are directly related to the abuse, neglect or dysfunction you grew up with.
The first step to overcoming is to realize that your adverse childhood experiences are not your fault. You were a child or an adolescent, and the neglect and abuse you experienced was committed by an adult. Don't blame yourself for what an adult did to you. If someone molested or abused you, it is their fault not yours. If someone committed suicide, it was their decision, you are not to blame. Stop and think about that for awhile. Are you willing to accept the fact that it was not your fault?  Are you?

Find Your ACE Score

What's Your ACE Score?

During the first 18 years of life:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often...
Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?
OR
Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often...
Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?
OR
Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever...
Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?
OR
Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

4. Did you often or very often feel that...
No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?
OR
Your family didn't look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?
Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

5. Did you often or very often feel that...
you didn't have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothers, and had no one to protect you?
OR
Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

6. Were you parents ever separated or divorced?
Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

7. Was your mother or stepmother:
Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her?
OR
Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard?
OR
Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?
Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker, or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?
Yes/ No If yes enter 1 ____

9.Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

10. Did a household member go to prison?
Yes/No If yes enter 1 ____

Now add up your "Yes" answers: _______. This is you ACE score.

If your ACE score is 4 or over, you are at significant risk of future health problems. However... the good news is you can take steps now to minimise the negative effects of ACEs.

A story too oft repeated.

*Staci was in the hospital, her liver was failing. The hepatitis she contracted years ago was now having its way. The fact that she had been a hard drinker didn't help her health. She thought the alcohol and drugs would help her bouts of depression, but they only made her unemployable and unbearable to live with. Her 16 year-old daughter recently moved out and who knows where her 14 year-old boy was.
She grabbed a mirror from the bedside stand, "How could a 39 year-old look 60? Why am I dying at such an early age?"she asked. Staci looked back on her short life and traced the steps from childhood to her hospital bed.
She never knew her father. Her earliest memories were of mother and her boyfriend fighting. The cramped apartment was littered with beer cans. The yelling and hitting scared her. Soon men in uniforms came and took mom and her boyfriend away. The men with badges gave her to a lady. Staci remembered the car ride to a new house and family. She saw her mother a few more times, but childhood was mostly being shuffled from one foster family to another. Some of the families were nice, but a few of the men made her feel uncomfortable. One man seemed really friendly, and liked to play a secret game of tickle. What started as a fun game began a feeling of shame she could never quite shake.
As she grew older she craved attention from men. Confused about what was good or bad attention, she soon found herself pregnant at 15. She went to a clinic and was told she could be "rid of her problem". The next day she took their advice, and although she was no longer pregnant, she felt her "problem" was never solved.
Staci remembered the depression that haunted her. She tried to dull the depression with drugs. But neither the drugs nor the men could make her happy. Maybe having a baby would make me happy, she thought. But two children and three boyfriends later, the depression returned. Feeling angry, unloved, and helpless, she attempted suicide, but failed at that too.
Her health was broken. The doctor told her, it was either a dirty needle or one of her boyfriends that gave her hepatitis. Her liver was in bad shape. She should get her affairs in order.
As a young child, Staci had the potential, the intelligence, and the genes, for along and health life. But adverse childhood experiences changed all that.

*The above scenario, though illustrative, is very common and very real to those living it.

The story demonstrates the progression found in the ACE pyramid. Staci experiences things no child should have to endure. It caused Staci to have a skewed idea of right and wrong. In her attempt to feel loved, she takes on behaviors that damage her mental, and physical health. She is broken, hurting, alone, all because her childhood was stolen from her.
If only someone had reached out and helped her overcome the anger, the depression, the shame, she endured.

You Are Normal

Nearly every week I speak with someone that wonders why they are prone to depression, anxiety, or nervousness. Almost without exception they score 4 or more on the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) scale.

Recently, a woman and her husband came to me for counseling. The woman was anxious, nervous, prone to depression, and wondered why her family was having problems. I asked about her childhood, and I felt the floodgates open. She told how her father physically and verbally abused her and her siblings (2 ACE scores). How emotional abuse was common in her family (1 ACE score). Her father and mother abused alcohol (1 ACE score) and mental illness was present in the immediate family (1 ACE score). A family member attempted suicide (1 ACE score), the father often hit the mother (1 ACE score), and the parents then divorced (1 ACE score). Out of 10 possible ACE scores, she scored 8. (Too bad you don't get a prize for a high score.)

After telling me all this, she looked up and said, "What's wrong with me that I am so nervous?" I explained that there was nothing wrong with her. She was reacting normally (albeit wrongly) to the stressors in her life. Her emotional tempo (being high strung) was set as a child and she could not function without keeping herself and her family on the razor's edge.

The human brain is an amazingly plastic organ. It was once thought that after you reached 5 years of age the brain was no longer subject to change. However it has been found that the brain can adapt and somewhat repair itself after a stroke. It has also been found that the physical shape and size of certain brain regions can be changed by repeated learning.

When one is exposed to stress early in life the portions of the brain in charge of "fight or flight" are enlarged at the expense of the portions of the brain in charge of exectutive functions. Thankfully, you can retrain your brain to think executively (or spiritually) rather than react fearfully.

One can reset their level of stress by repeatedly reacting to stress in a proper manner. The proper manner to handle stress is not the result of positive thinking but the result of a Spirit-filled life. The Bible says that "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" Gal 5:22,23.

The Spirit-filled life is a result of receiving Jesus Christ into your heart (John 1:12) and yielding to God in every area of your life (Romans 6:16). When we learn to trust instead of fear, when we learn to yield to God instead of panic, we change the emotional and chemical reactions of the brain. By so doing, we allow the brain to make new connections and establish new patterns of behavior. It is a constant work in progress, for the old patterns are hard to be broken. But have hope, for the old patterns can be broken "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3

If you want to learn more about receiving Christ, drop me a line @ dave.lockridge@sbcglobal.net.

The ACE Pyramid- How Abusive Parents Kill their Children

The ACE pyramid shows how abuse can stress a child into choosing behaviors that affect their physical and emotional well-being as an adult.

The stress a child experiences when exposed to abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction, often causes social, emotional, or cognitive impairment. This means they begin to act, feel, or think in ways that are other than the norm. They can become anxious, detatched, depressed, or hyper-aroused. This can lead the child to adopt behaviors that for the moment seems to soothe their stress (smoking, drinking), or excite them (drugs, risky behavior), but has long-term damaging effects.

In the pursuit of immediate relief from stress, the child's long-term health is compromised, resulting in disease (lung cancer, COPD, liver failure, ect.), disability (injuries from risky behavior), and social problems (emotional problems, detachment, depression). This, in turn, can result in early death. A child that was born with great potential and promise, later dies prematurely because of the stress inflicted by dysfunctional or abusive adults.

The greatest risk to a child's health is not the flu. The greatest risk to a child's health is having abusive or dysfunctional parents.

If you had an abusive childhood, you need to take steps to overcome. Face the fact that attempting to overcome stress through smoking, drinking, drugs, or promiscuity is just a attempt to cope with something that won't work. It is just a quick ticket to a premature death.

The first step in overcoming is to ask God for help. Get on your face before God and confess your anger, your unbelief, and cry out to God for help. Tell God your attempts to cope don't work. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He will.

The above pyramid is from the acestudy@cdc.gov.

The Effects of Abuse Can Last a lifetime

Few children, if any, wake up one morning and say, "I think I'll live a life filled with depression and drug abuse. I think I'll beat myself up emotionally and ruin my life with alcohol and drugs. I'll fill my life with stress and problems and then pass them on to my children so their lives will be ruined too."

What Then Is the Cause?
Abuse, neglect, and living in a dysfunctional household produces pressures on children that can last a lifetime. A child cannot stand back and objectively see the physical and emotional effects an abusive parent has on them. The adversity an abused child endures can physically affect their ability to respond to stressful situations. Anger is often the response, and if not anger, then anxiety and depression are the result.

To cope with childhood stress adults often make childish choices. Smoking, drinking, drugs, sexual promiscuity, are all behaviors that can result in long-term physical and emotional problems. If not overcome, the abuse experienced as a child can result in disease, disability, social problems and early death.